Letting Go
by SingingBlues
Summary: Perhaps, the only way to forget you is to let you go. Yullen. Mostly on Allen's POV. Side story to Tears of Moonlight. Please R&R!
1. Delusion of Feelings and Emotions

**Title: Letting Go**

**Genre: Angst/Romance**

**Rated: T**

**Pairing: Yullen**

**Summary: Perhaps, the only way to forget you is to let you go. Yullen. (Allen's POV)**

* * *

The moonlight shone faintly through the opened windows. A light breeze entered the serene place, cooling down the night temperature as he sat by his side. His hands brushed through the soft strands of hair covering part of his face as he looked closely at him, staring at the beautiful face that enticed him whenever they walked past each other, and that pair dark sapphire eyes that bought out the beauty within him stunned him completely. In this silence, he couldn't help but recall the times he had spent together with him.

He had fallen in love with Kanda Yuu.

-

_(2months ago)_

He and Kanda had started to quarrel again. He was angry that Kanda did not even give a damn on what he had done to the poor Finder who was with him in his previous mission. He just could not stand his arrogant attitude and his way of protecting his pride, when obviously, he was wrong in the first place.

"Just admit that you are wrong, Kanda! Is this how you are supposed to treat your comrade, abandoning him in times of battle and just think of destroying the enemy as your priority?"

Of course, Kanda was not in a very good mood either, being reprimanded and shoved around by his god damn principles. Firstly, how dare that moyashi lecture him when he was supposed to mind his own fucking business?!? Secondly, he was not his mother, so all the more he should shut his big old mouth and keep his own words to himself! And thirdly, he was the senior in the first place, so why should he listen to what he had to say?

"Haven't you had nothing to do, moyashi? What right do you have to lecture me?" Kanda hissed lowly, glaring darkly at him. Allen did not seem to back away as he stomped right up to his front and shot the glare right back at him.

"As long as someone has done wrong, Kanda, I have the very right to correct them! And that includes you!"

Veins could be seen popping out of his forehead as the raven-haired samurai started unsheathing his sword, giving the silver-haired Exorcist the last chance to stop his nonsense and go away. The atmosphere was getting tense as gasps filled the air next, seeing Allen getting ready to activate his Innocence instead of running away. A familiar smirk crept up Kanda's face, very impressed in what he was witnessing at this moment.

"That's really bold of you, moyashi."

"I have a name, Kanda!" Allen said, getting annoyed.

"Oh? But I can only recall your name as moyashi," Kanda sneered playfully, mocking at Allen. A slight wince could be seen on that silver-haired boy's face, but he had no intention to back away, his determination firm and not wavered. The two Exorcists then placed their footings firmly on the stone ground, ready to launch their attack. People around them wanted to stop them from fighting, but no one dared to step up against this two loggerheads who were the most difficult to deal with among the rest of the Exorcists known. It was simply best not to interrupt them.

He stared at his opponent, who had fully taken out Mugen and slowly held it high above his head. The bright shine from the reflection of the metal blinded him slightly, making him a little hard to see what's ahead. He blinked, trying to focus on him. Suddenly, a thought hit him, and left him stunned.

Why was he doing this?

"Allen-kun!"

"Yuu-chan!!"

The next thing, he found Lenalee pulling him aside, and Lavi grabbing the raven samurai away to a safe distance. A huge sigh of relief was heard throughout the whole vicinity, as everyone thanked the two saviours who, once again, saved the day.

"Get your hands of me, baka usagi!" Kanda snapped as he slapped his hands off from his shoulders. Lavi just laughed sheepishly and backed off as he tried to calm the raven-haired teen down. While at his side, Lenalee was trying her very best to persuade him not to ask further questions from Kanda.

"You know that Kanda does not like people to question the way he does things, Allen-kun."

"He is wrong in the first place! If God is not at his side, that Finder would be killed! No matter what, he must say sorry to the Finder!" Allen replied coldly, folding his arms in frustration.

"You know Kanda does not mean that, Allen-kun. He does care for his comrades who are fighting together with him."

Allen was silent for a few seconds, before he slowly turned to stare at the stoic samurai standing across the other side of the corridor. Gradually, his painful eyes softened.

"Does he?"

His heart pained, and his head spinned. Whenever he was reasoning out with Kanda, things just turned out horribly wrong, and in the end, he was the one who was very exhausted. He just could not get Kanda to listen to him. No matter what he did, how he fared in missions, Kanda just did not want to acknowledge him. He always thought that he was stupid, dumb, naive, weak, acting innocent and brought burden for his friends around him. He should never be qualified as the accommodator of the Innocence in the first place, and should get rejected. No one would really care anyway, because there was simply nothing fantastic about this ridiculous, weak-looking boy.

Everyone would be very nice to him, when Kanda had to ruin everything that he had felt around people that he knew ever since he entered the Black Order. He wanted to enjoy his days treating the Black Order as his home, yet Kanda would always be the one who did not fit into this wonderful picture. When he agreed, Kanda disagreed. When he thought this was right, Kanda always insisted that it was wrong.

He couldn't understand. Why did Kanda hate him _this much_?

This did not happen to Lenalee. Once, he saw Lenalee having a very pleasant conversation with Kanda one particular afternoon, and to his amazement, Kanda joined in the conversation very well. The two of them just stood there, the girl giggling happily, while he had a frowning look on his face, wondering what was so funny in the topic that they were talking about.

This did not happen to Lavi either. Though Kanda called him names and treated him almost indifferently from him, he did not really reject Lavi as much as him. Once he saw Lavi pestering him for the whole day, but Kanda did not even say a single word, letting him walk together with him and say whatever he wanted. He had an irritated look on his grumpy face, but he did not chase him away.

So, why was he the exception? Why?

"Allen-kun?"

Lenalee realised that he was acting weird. Allen just shook his head and produced a smile.

"I'm not feeling well, so I go back to my room and rest."

She did not reply. Taking it as a yes, Allen turned around and started to leave. Footsteps echoed through the silent corridor, and as he was getting further away from them, he noticed that he could not hear Lavi's voice anymore. Kanda's snappings seemed to have stopped as well, and he wondered whether he was staring at him.

Allen felt warm a little. It was...rather awkward to have Kanda staring silently at him. He turned to the left and continued his way down the pavement which would lead him to the rooms where the Exorcists stayed. His hands started to feel cold all of a sudden and Allen tucked them into his squeezy but warm pockets at his black pants. He stopped by the railings and leaned against the wall, breathing out slowly.

"Walker-dono!" He turned. It was the Finder who had accompanied Kanda in his previous mission.

"John-san, you should go back to the inventory and rest more! You shouldn't be here!" Allen hurried up to the breathless Finder who almost tripped and fell. The Finder grabbed onto his stretched hands and thanked the silver-haired boy profusely. Allen just smiled in reply as he helped him to the railings.

"What's wrong, John-san?"

"Allen-dono, I think...it's just okay to leave that matter aside."

Allen was astonished by his words. The Finder looked away, uncomfortable with his weird stares onto him.

"Why?"

"Kanda-dono...actually saves me at that time. Without him, I would really be dead by now."

The Finder started to explain.

"At that time while we were returning from our mission, a horde of akumas suddenly appeared out of nowhere and started attacking us. Taken by surprise, Kanda-dono told me to find cover while he attacked them. I was running towards a large rock which would shelter me for a short while, but never did I know that the akumas had already found me and followed me there. I was surrounded eventually, and I thought that my end had come."

"Then, Kanda-dono reappeared and shielded me from the attack. I was shocked, because one would surely die if he took the whole blow. I kept shouting to tell him to go and leave me here, but he just would not want to listen."

Allen's eyes widened, remembering that time when he and Kanda were quarrelling. If he was not wrong, he saw several bruises and bandages at Kanda's arms and legs. His movements seemed to be rather unstable too. The silver-haired teen bit his lip. Was he...wrong about Kanda?

"After that, he used all of his strength to summon a powerful attack from Mugen, and wiped out the whole group of akumas. The area of his attack was somehow wide, so that's why I have slight injuries from it. So, please do not blame Kanda-dono on this! It was me who brought the burden onto him! It was my fault as a Finder, who did not check on whether akumas were on our way here in the first place! Please do not blame him, Walker-dono!" The Finder bowed down sincerely, seeking for forgiveness. Allen just remained at his position, feeling his mind drifting out of place. He stumbled back and leaned against the railings, realising something.

He was no different from Kanda. He always thought that Kanda was a cold and heartless bastard who did not care about the lives of others willing to sacrifice for him. He was conceited and acted like an asshole, rejecting people's kind offers and refusing to share his space with others. Everything in Kanda just pissed him off greatly, made himself boiled with anger, and he wished that he should just disappear and be gone forever. He thought that Kanda did not have a heart to care for others, but he was wrong.

"Walker-dono..."

"Okay, I got it. You should go back and rest."

The Finder stood there, having a doubtful look in his eyes. Allen just sighed and gave him a smile, gesturing him to leave. Understanding what he meant, the Finder walked back to the infirmary. When he was gone, Allen's smile faltered, as his eyes closed.

"Even someone would plead for a person like Kanda..."

He laughed bitterly.

* * *

From that moment onwards, Kanda occupied his mind for the rest of the day. That face just would not leave him alone, even if he wanted to take a short nap to cure his throbbing headache. Allen groaned as he tossed and turned in bed, but it was no use.

"Oh god just leave me alone, Kanda! Why must you invade my mind at this moment?" He murmured breathlessly, ruffling up his sweaty silver strands with his left hand. Allen opened his tired eyes and stared outside the window. The silvery moon was shimmering brightly in the plain night sky, with no stars evident today. He then stared at the clock, which showed seven in the night.

Suddenly, his stomach growled. Allen grimaced. He had not eaten a single thing since he finished lunch in the early afternoon, and felt really hungry. He wanted to rush down to the cafeteria and indulged himself with all the delicious delicacies made by Jerry, the cook. But he knew that Kanda would always eat at this time. And he did not want to see Kanda at the particular moment.

Allen turned his body around as his back was facing the ceiling and his face facing the pillow. He buried himself into the fluffy material, feeling its smooth surface and smelling the light scent of jasmine. He stayed like this for a while, waiting for the time to pass by. His hands shuffled through the sheets. He thought of himself laying on a stretched-out grass patch, enjoying the beautiful scenery displayed solely for him. He wiggled his toes under the sheets, as he turned and stared at the clock again.

7.05. His stomach rumbled louder than before. Allen sat up and groaned miserably. He _had _to eat now, or he would really be starved to death.

"Allen-kun!" His eyes brightened. It was Lenalee! He was saved!

"Lenalee!" He opened the door, and found Lenalee and Lavi outside. Before he was about to ask her to help him to buy some food for him, he was being shoved outside and the next thing, his door was locked and the two teenagers were staring hardly at him.

"What...what are you doing?" Allen asked, shifting his gaze trailing downwards. He was forced to look at them again when Lavi lifted up his face by tilting his chin upwards.

"Allen-kun, are you really okay? You act strange just now," Lenalee asked, worried.

"You don't really need to mind Yuu-chan that much. Sometimes he really acts like a jerk, but he cannot express himself well," Lavi added, giving him a comfortable smile as he patted his shoulders.

"It's not that he's acting, but he is a _total jerk_." Allen muttered.

"What did you say, Allen?" Lavi somehow heard him. The silver-haired boy just laughed and shook his head.

"Well, let's go and eat, shall we? Think Yuu is there too," Lavi said, peering at the both of them for opinions. Lenalee did not seem to have any, while Allen had tons of opinions to voice out against this idea.

"Okay."

"I disagree!"

Both teenagers looked at him in bewilderment. Allen spluttered slightly and looked down again.

"Why not, Allen-kun?"

"Yeah, why not?"

He fidgeted. "Ah well...just...just that I'm not hungry yet - "

A loud growl broke the conversation among the three of them. Allen yelped in embarrassment, blaming inwardly to his stomach for not being able to control the desire for food, while Lavi just chuckled in an amusing tone as he put his arm around his shoulders and pulled his body to him, leaning side by side.

"But then, your stomach seems to be telling us a different story, Allen!"

Allen's face flushed redder.

"I think you should join us for dinner, Allen-kun. It would be great for everyone to gather together and chat again. It has been a long time since we can get together and catch up," Lenalee persuaded. Allen just mumbled something in his mouth, wondering whether he should go or not.

"Ah, I'm hungry! Let's just go and eat now!" Lavi spoke, as he grabbed Allen's wrist and pulled him along without warning the other, causing the poor silver-haired teen to stumble for a few steps.

"Lavi, I need to think - "

"Why do you still need to think, Allen? Isn't the answer simple?"

"What?" Allen did not get what the future Bookman actually meant. Lavi just sighed as he explained:

"It means, you are hungry, and have to quiet that noisy stomach of yours by filling it up with lots and lots of food, isn't it?"

"Well I - "

"So, let's go!" Lavi finished, pulled Allen along with him again. This time, Allen did not try to attempt to reason out with them. Sometimes he just had to accept the situation lay out in front of him. And maybe it would be a good idea to grab a bite to satisfy his stomach.

Oh, great. He had totally forgotten about Kanda. Allen then realised that they had arrived at the cafeteria. The three of them entered the crowded place as they looked around. Allen slowly slid behind the bookman junior's back, finding the right time to slip away and get out of here.

"Allen-kun, what are you doing?" Lenalee asked. Lavi turned, to find Allen stiffened on the spot. The silver-haired boy forced out a smile and stood in between them immediately, not wanting to be pulled into another draggy conversation about whether he was alright or whatever. He hated bring treated like a child who needed constant checking all the time. He was not one. Sometimes he thought that Lavi and Lenalee could be too overprotective over him.

"Ah, there's Yuu! Yuu-chan!!" Lavi shouted and waved. Allen's heart dropped a thousand metres down his stomach. He seriously regretted in coming here for dinner. The two friends then approached the raven one sitting at a corner eating his soba as usual. Not wanting to stand out in crowds and attracting unwanted attention, the silver-haired boy dragged his heavy body there and found himself awkwardly staring into the eyes of the samurai.

"Allen, aren't you going to buy your food? I thought you are starving just now?" Lavi asked, breaking the silence among them. Allen averted his gaze to the redhead and nodded his head, running to the stalls to join the queue. As he waited for his turn, his mind wandered back to that moment when his and Kanda's gazes locked. The hint of anger in his eyes was gone, but they seemed to be searching through him with such look, as though he was concerned about him...

Allen mentally slapped himself. What in the world was he thinking? Kanda would never, ever show concern towards him! Even if the whole world collapsed or the sun rose from the west, this impossible thing would never happen. The silver-haired boy moved forward as he stared at the food displayed at the front. He was supposed to drool like he always did before, but nothing happened.

The words that the Finder spoke roamed into his spiritual world again. Allen couldn't help but felt indignant about it. He just could not accept and imagine Kanda being nice to everyone except him.

"Allen!" He realised that he was being called and turned to look at Jerry, who was already waiting for his order. The silver-haired Exorcist apologised before ordering many large-serving of food for him. As he was waiting for his food, Allen turned and looked around the cafeteria, seeing many people eating and chatting among themselves. Lavi was being glared on by Kanda again, while Lenalee just giggled at this. The raven-haired Exorcist was not really irritated in the least.

He just could not understand Kanda at all. Not at all.

At this moment, Kanda suddenly turned and looked at him. Seeing that he was caught, Allen turned around quickly, his face turning red with embarrassment. He noticed that his trays of food was already ready as he took them and proceeded back to the table, his eyes gazing at the black edges of the table his friends were sitting at.

"Wow, what a spread of food, Allen!" Lavi said happily. Allen just smiled at him, sitting down beside the redhead. Lenalee was smiling too, but he could feel a rather disturbing gaze onto him. He took his burger and took a large bite, feeling his heart beating faster every second. He was sure someone was staring at him for quite a while, and he roughly knew who that person was, but he just ignored it and continued to eat his dinner quickly, hoping to get out of here fast.

"So, how's your injuries, Yuu?"

Allen flinched.

"Don't call me that, baka usagi," Kanda warned dangerously.

"But I'm really concerned about you! You took such a heavy blow for the Finder! You should have been dead by then!" Lavi exclaimed.

He failed to notice Allen who was listening to what they were saying. The silver-haired Exorcist chewed on his mitarashi dangos slowly in his mouth, listening attentively to their conversation.

Kanda gave him a hard glare. "I will not die by that attack."

"Okay, this conversation is getting us nowhere. So how's your injuries then?" Lavi asked worriedly. Kanda just stared at the white bandages at his arms and his legs and then stared at the redhead again.

"I'm alright."

It was the first time he ever heard Kanda answering a question properly, and to the point. Normally he would just either ignored it completely, or just shutted the person off for being a busybody. Allen turned his gaze back to the mitarashi dangos he was holding in his hand, dazed for a moment.

_Please do not blame him, Walker-dono!_

"Allen-kun, what's wrong?"

He realised that he had spaced out again, and attracted unwanted attention. Now all of them were staring at him.

"I'm okay! Really!"

"Are you sure? You are really quiet today, like your mind is constantly thinking. What are you thinking about, Allen-kun?" Lenalee asked.

Allen felt rather touched by her concerns, but was embarrassed to show his face as he looked down and rubbed his face hardly, chasing away the flush that was going to be displayed on him again. He felt rather foolish.

"Allen - "

"I'm really alright, so don't need to worry about me!" Allen said, louder than before. He gasped, realising that his friends were astonished by how he spoke. Even Kanda was raising his eyebrow, frowning at him. The silver-haired boy groaned inwardly to himself. Now his friends were going to be more worried for him.

"Thanks for the food." He cleaned his hands using the tissues and stood up. Seeing Lenalee's worried look, he placed his hands to her shoulders and gently squeezed it, telling her silently that he was alright. Receiving it, Lenalee smiled and gripped onto his hands, feeling the warm travelling from his body into hers.

"I shall go back and rest now. I'm tired."

"Goodnight, Allen!"

"Sweet dreams, Allen-kun!"

Kanda did not say anything. Allen did not mind, as he waved to them and started exiting out of the cafeteria. But as he pushed the doors and was about to step out of the area, he heard a very soft but clear voice speaking to him. He stopped by the doors, his eyes widened in shock.

_Tch. Baka moyashi._

Tears filled his eyes. Kanda did notice him after all.

* * *

He lay on his bed, unable to sleep. His heart was thumping rather energetically than usual as the silver-haired boy sat up and stared ahead. It was pitch-dark. He did not switch on the lights, as he found it unnecessary to do so. Slowly, he slid his legs out of the sheets as he slipped his feet into his slippers and stood up, peering outside the window.

It was a full moon today.

Allen walked along his room, having an unknown anxiety within him. He tapped his fingers against his other hand, looked up and down and all over the place, and even tried to do some exercises to distract himself, but something seemed to be bothering him lately. He felt tired, yet he could not sleep. In the end, he sank onto a chair and closed his eyes for a short while, before opening them again. He looked at the clock.

It was eleven at night. Everywhere was very quiet, only the sounds of the night creatures evident. He decided to go out and have a stroll around the Order before he come back to sleep again. This would somehow calm down that flustered mind of his. That was what he was taught by Lenalee, but he wondered how Lenalee would get to know it.

He opened the door, and a cold gust of wind entered, sending shivers down his skin. Allen trembled slightly as he gripped onto his loose nightwear and walked out, locking the door behind him. He then trailed down the corridor, seeing no one bypassing him. It was not surprising, and he liked the silence filling the surroundings. He did not know where he was going, but he just let his legs lead him to whatever place he would go.

He walked for a long while, before he saw the first light shimmering faintly in a distance. Curious, the silver-haired boy walked towards that light and realised that it came from where the meditating room was. He frowned, wondering who would be there in such a late hour. Pressing his feet quietly but firmly onto the creaking ground, Allen closed in and opened the wooden doors a little, peeking inside. He almost fell when he saw that the person inside was none other than Kanda, sitting on the mat with his back facing him. He turned around, catching his breath.

"Why would Kanda be here at this moment?" He thought. He did not remember Kanda having such habits to meditate at such a late hour before. Normally he would meditate either early in the morning, or late in the evening, but not as late as midnight.

The candle light flickered weakly as it cast his shadow onto the wall, showing his sitting posture. The raven-haired samurai could hardly be seen even with the light. Allen turned back and peeked at him again, thinking of realistic reasons for Kanda to be here. The wooden doors rattled slightly due to the coming wind, and Allen released his hold on the doors quickly, not wanting to be caught by him again. He covered his mouth to prevent any sound from coming out, as he remained as still as possible, knowing that Kanda would be able to sense anyone from a distance.

Luckily, the raven-haired samurai did not seem to notice something's wrong as he continued to remain at his sitting position, engrossed in his meditation. Allen heaved a sigh of relief, and continued to watch him in the darkness. Judging from the position Kanda was in, he assumed that he had not moved, and wondered whether he was really meditating or had fallen asleep in this position. Somehow, this amused the silver-haired Exorcist as he bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing.

The small flame slowly died out, the whole surrounding pitch-black. He could no longer see Kanda clearly, but he knew that Kanda still did not flinch or move a single muscle from his position. Allen fidgeted a little, looking around sometimes, afraid that he would get spotted from anybody. He did not want people to identify him as a stalker, or worse, a pervert who had the thing for guys. Thinking of himself as a gay freaked him out. He was definitely straight, and had no sorts of disgusting thoughts polluting his mind.

"Well, I should get back to sleep. It's already late," He thought. Allen turned around and was about to leave when he stopped in his tracks. Turning back, he stared at the one sitting inside once more.

_Should I go and tell Kanda to go back to his room and sleep?_

It was a good idea, but how would the other reply? No doubt, he would start snapping at him and chase him out of his sight. Allen dismissed the thought immediately and decided to leave.

_But it wouldn't be good letting him stay outside the cold night! His injuries have not healed yet!_

Allen stopped again. He had a good point too. It wouldn't be good to Kanda if his injuries got infected again. He paced back to the front door and was about to open it when his hand stopped again.

_But what should I say when he wakes up?_

Allen peered through the small gap between the doors, thinking. He then put his hands on the doors and opened them sideways, revealing the insides of the meditating room. The sight of his raven strands fluttering in the stirred air caught his breath instantly. Allen stood there, captivated by that tall beautiful figure. He gasped for a moment, before he stepped onto the mat, hearing the creaking of the wooden floor supporting his weight as he went closer to him. Reaching his side, he stopped and lowered his body, trying to see how Kanda looked.

To his surprise, Kanda was indeed _asleep. _Allen slowly breathed out, feeling relieved. He blinked, his shimmering silvery eyes observed every features on his face. Kanda still had a frown on his forehead even when he was sleeping. His eyelashes seemed to be longer than before, but that was not what Allen was interested in. As his fingers started to trail down his face, it touched the soft flesh of his curved lips as the silver-haired teen's lip parted slightly. His skin felt the warm breath of the other exhaling, as his finger twitched uncomfortably. He slowly leaned closer to him, their faces less than ten centimetres. It was like the both of them were smelling the same air and occupying the same tiny space shared between them.

He sniffed the air deeply. Kanda...smelt good. Allen closed his eyes, and wished that they could stay on like this forever.

His hand hesitantly touched his upper chest lightly. The raven-haired teen responded by stirring slightly, his breathing a little heavier. Allen redrew his hand immediately and checked whether he was awake. The older teen just snorted softly, seemed to be muttering something under his breath, before he was asleep again. Allen sighed, wondering whether it was a good thing. A thought came to his mind, and he wished that Kanda would at least notice his presence.

"Kanda, I..." He looked at his lips. Closing in, the silver-haired Exorcist cupped the sides of his face gently between his thumb and his middle finger, pulling his face nearer to him. He did not know what made him react like this, but at this moment, he couldn't take his eyes off him anymore.

"...think I..." He felt a very warm brush on his lips lightly. It escalated the thumping rate of his heartbeat immediately, as he felt his breathing heavier than usual. The silver-haired boy did not know that kissing a person could be that...enjoyable. He just couldn't explain how it felt like. It just felt...good. Very good, till it became an addiction. He wanted to explore further inside Kanda's mouth, tasting every corner of it. He wondered how Kanda would taste like, and imagining his moan between their moving mouths sent several shivers down his body and to his legs.

Maybe he had lost his sanity due to a temporary moment of desire struck onto him, but when he placed his lips onto his, he started to regret it immediately. Like a spell that suddenly broke, Allen snapped out of reality and realised what he had done. His lips trembled, but could not shake off the warmth that was bought by the raven samurai in front of him. He stood up abruptly and like a confused child, ran out of the meditation room without even bothering to keep his noise low. He ran, and continued running. He was breathless and exhausted, but he did not stop, until he tripped onto something and fell onto the ground hardly.

_Kanda._

Allen grimaced at this name. He thought that only his cold statements hurt him, but he did not expect a mere name to make his heart wrench painfully.

_Kanda._

He was just a bastard! He did not have any special relationship which bound the two of them together. He and Kanda were two different people; two loggerheads that could not be put together. Their characters and personalities were completely different. They were not possible. Not possible.

_Kanda._

Tears filled his eyes. He made a terrible mistake.

He had stepped over the line.

* * *

Please send in reviews to tell me how you think towards this new chapter! Thank you!!!


	2. The Painful Dilemma

Another update for this story! Think it will end at the next chapter, or the next 2 chapters, so pls read and review on your opinions towards the story! Thanks :D

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Painful Dilemma**

Allen stared at the white scenery from the rooftop silently, feeling the cold brush of the wind on his chilling face. The whole surroundings were completely quiet, yet he still felt rather uneasy in his heart, distracted by something. The silver-haired teen hugged his legs closer to his body, his chin leaning against his knees.

Was it because of yesterday? Allen frowned at that thought. He was just passing by that place. He didn't know that Kanda was in there sleeping, and he was just concerned about his injuries, that was all. He wasn't really going to do anything to him...wasn't really going to do anything...to him...

His heart thumped hardly on his chest. Allen groaned softly as he buried his face on his knees, fighting off the blush that was going to spread across his face. From that night when he saw Kanda, and went closer to him, everything was going all wrong for him. He felt incredibly weird inside, and whenever he thought of Kanda, his heart beat faster than usual. Allen growled in frustration as he slammed his fists lightly on the roof, not knowing what to do.

"Walker,"

He turned to Tim as he heard a familiar voice, someone who he dreaded to see, but if he did not go to him, who knows what would happen to him next time. Allen sighed in rejection as he stood up and proceeded to the entrance leading into the building. He walked down a rather long flight of stairs as he reached the top floor of the Order. He paced along the empty corridor where people were rarely seen coming here frequently.

His heart could not slow down, no matter how he tried. Allen breathed in and out heavily, calming himself down. He looked around, hoping that he would not meet anyone on the way to the office. The silver-haired teen put his hands into his pockets as he went to another staircase and walked down a flight of stairs down to the basement.

As his foot stepped onto the ground, he walked out, and was shocked to see Kanda just metres away. He jerked stiffly and spun around immediately and so suddenly that he almost tripped, but he managed to get hold of himself and kept silent. He then decided to walk a long way to his destination, but he simply had no idea why he was acting so stupid. Allen lowered his head, not wanting anyone to see that foolish face of his.

It took a few minutes, and he was reaching. At the same time, Link had asked him again and again on where he was, and why he was not here. Allen wanted to glare at the direction where that irritating voice was coming from, but he couldn't. Timcanpy was his good friend, and it didn't mean it either. As Allen turned left and walked through a smaller corridor, he saw the familiar room a few distance away. He went up to the door, and knocked it a few times. Then, he opened the door and stepped in.

"Where have you been, Walker?" Link asked with a rather harsh tone. Allen flinched slightly from his position, choosing to pretend that nothing was happening and concentrate on doing his surveys. He wondered why he was so bothered by people's reactions nowadays. Link was always talking to him in a rather cold and monotone voice, and he did not really mind, but the sting in his heart was getting more painful. He was easily distracted, and was easily scared of getting in his friends' way. Allen bit his lip as he gripped the pen tightly, confused.

Tim flapped its small golden wings by his side, seemed to be worried. Allen gave a weak smile as he patted its small cute head. The last thing he wanted was to let everyone worry for him. He did not want to depend on anyone, yet the heavy weight on his chest were getting heavier and heavier till he could not breathe properly. He terribly wished someone would know that he was not alright, yet he did not want others to know.

He stared at the blanks on the paper, dazed.

_**Hehehe.**_

Allen's eyes widened at that familiar laughter coming from him, ringing through his ears continuously. He gritted his teeth, cursing under his breath. Why couldn't that stupid Noah just leave him alone?

_**Leave you alone? That's impossible. **_

"What's wrong?" Link turned around and asked. Allen opened his mouth, but realised that he couldn't say anything.

_**Don't die, Allen. I will be watching your every move.**_

Allen shut his eyes, his lips trembling with growing fear. His thoughts started to shake, as the laughter was getting louder till he could not hear his breathing clearly. His body was shaking badly, as cold sweat was coming out of his forehead. It was as of he was getting fits, but most importantly, he couldn't let Link see his current condition.

"Go...away." Allen hissed slowly in a soft tone, pushing the other him back, but something was resisting him, and was pulling him closer to the world of black and white. The Noah was more than happy to devour his whole body and claim everything to be his. His laughter was getting hysterical and high-pitched, his inhumane screams slowly tearing his inner world apart and turning him crazy.

_**Allen, be mine.**_

"I won't let you!" Allen hollered through the silent room, and after a few seconds, comprehended what he was doing. He coughed and wheezed as evenly and quietly as usual, greyish orbs staring hardly and coldly at Link who stared back at him. He slowly stood up and pushed his chair aside, dragging his body towards the door.

"Where are you going - "

"I will be back." Allen muttered softly, but audible for the other to catch his words. Allen pushed the door gently with his shaking fingers, getting out of the room which was suffocating him. But even if he was out in the open, he did not feel better at all.

His silver strands entangled as the wind blew across his face at both sides, covering his vision partially. Allen stumbled for a few steps, stopping sometimes to catch his breath before he started to walk again. Every step he took was extremely heavy and slow, and he wondered when he would take to walk from here to his room.

He stopped, and started coughing again. It had always been like this, and he knew this wasn't any kind of normal sickness that normal humans had. It was getting harder to breathe, and he had a feeling that he would faint somewhere, but for now, he would try to hold on to his life that was hanging dangerously on a thin line.

He stopped, lifting his head to stare at the first sunlight ray that was shining towards his direction. It was not as bright, but somehow, it felt expectionally warmer. His saddened eyes slowly softened, as he wondered how long he could get to see such a beautiful golden light shimmering across the white sky.

Allen decided to move. He wasn't really looking in front when he was walking, and as he turned left, he accidentally bumped into somebody. Allen stumbled backwards, mumbling an apology weakly and hoarsely by his frail lips. He slowly walked past, hoping that the other could understand, but suddenly, something grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

"What happened to you?"

Allen's eyes widened in horror.

The wind entered between the two of them, its soft whispers travelling into their ears. The whole place was completely silent. As they stood close, he could hear his heartbeats very clearly, and pick up the light scent of jasmine on him.

"Moyashi?"

Realisation hit him as he knew he could no longer stay here. Allen struggled through the hard grip, wanting him to let go. Kanda's hand gradually loosened, as his hand slipped silently out of his. Without turning his head, Allen started to walk away, his hands gradually clenched tightly till it hurt. He did not why, but his heart felt so painfully emptier than before. This type of feeling was so excruciating that it was starting to devour him.

His vision started to fail, as his legs slowly slipped. He could do nothing but to see himself slowly falling to the ground. He thought everything was over, and the memories and emotions that he had been pushing back was returning back to him. He slowly lifted up his left hand, wanting someone to reach to him, but as he thought, he laughed at his mere naïve thoughts and stupidity. What was he exactly thinking? There would be no one to reach out to him. No one, only himself.

Suddenly, something grabbed hold of his hand tightly. This strong reaction forced him to open his eyes, as he stared at that person he had not expected with a shocked face. His heart thumped faster and harder every second, unable to control his overwhelmed emotions as he saw the beautiful blue sapphire eyes staring back at him.

"Cannot..."

He tried to move away, yet he knew that he had no more strength left. His warmth travelled from his hand to his whole body. The pain that was tormenting him was slowly ceasing as well. He wondered whether he had cast a magic onto him that made him feel so much better than before. Why was he the only one who could make him feel so calm and secure than before?

The only memory he could remember was holding on to that warm hand of his tightly by his entwined fingers, before his vision gradually blackened.

* * *

He stirred from the deep slumber, wondering what was happening to him. It was darkness all over, yet he was not as frightened as before. Was it because of that given warmth which was circulating inside him, or was it gladness that he was the one who came to him?

_Allen!_

He heard someone calling out to him. Who was it?

_Allen!_

Was it _him_?

He laughed softly to himself. How could that possibly be?

* * *

"Allen!" Allen slowly opened his eyes, his vision regaining. As he blinked, getting used to the brightness of the lights in the room, he saw Lenalee's worried face in front of him. Lavi was sitting at a corner, while Krory and Miranda were there as well. The silver-haired teen sighed, not used to having so many people around him. He did not want to see their guilt-stricken faces and that painful looks in their eyes.

"What happened to you, Allen?! I'm shocked when I found out that you are in the infirmary!" Lenalee exclaimed as she gripped onto his shoulders hardly. He knew that her hands were trembling, and she was trying her best to control her tears from falling out. Lavi walked over to his side, that bubbly and cheerful face gone. Why was everyone showing such a depressing face? He just couldn't understand. Just what was he to them?

"Allen, are you alright?" Lavi asked. Allen just nodded his head weakly, choosing not to say anything. No matter what he wanted to say, it would not change the fact that he was turning into a monster.

"Allen?"

"No, I'm fine." The doctor and nurse entered the room to give him another checkup to check whether he was already fine to move around. Allen lifted up his arm and as he waited for the checkup to finish, he stared at the blank ceiling, wondering whether that moment was just a mere dream. It felt real, yet he was unsure on whether to believe it.

"It looks like you are already fine. Do not overexert yourself, Walker." The doctor said. Allen nodded his head and thanked him as they exited the room. He got to the side of the bed and slipped his feet into the slippers, and as he stood up, he saw his friends coming in by the door a few minutes after the doctor and nurse left.

"Where are you going, Allen?" Lenalee asked.

"Just...a little walk." Allen replied, knowing that he would receive another scolding from her if he did not rest properly this time. He gave a weak smile on his face as he paced past them, walking out of the infirmary. Lenalee said that she would accompany him, but he kindly refused, knowing that he could not stay calm when she was around. Furthermore, he wanted some time alone, to think of what he was going to do in the future. He couldn't stay like this, not when the Noah was going to take over him some day.

His feet shuffled softly on the smooth ground, silver strands fluttering in the air silently by the wind. His heart felt light, and all the heavy troubles flooding in his head seemed to be all gone...for now. He stopped by a pillar, his cold hands touching the warm surface of the walls which provided him with little heat. It felt so peaceful. He stared at the bright golden sun in the sky, wondering how long it would take to just reach there and touch it. It was pretty, yet somehow it looked rather sad as well. He could not explain it. This feeling just appeared nowhere, filling his heart with loneliness. But yet, at least it could express itself out so clearly and dazzlingly, unlike him, whose existence was slowly fading away. No one would notice, and no one would remember even if he disappeared from this world forever.

He smiled, as he turned to leave. At the first step forward, he stiffened at the dark figure standing in front of him. Kanda was standing there, his Exorcist uniform that stretched to his knees fluttered slightly and his sword at his hand. A thought came into his mind, something which he failed to notice till now. That raven-haired teen was completely flawless. His skills were great and superb, and even his beauty could not be compared with other ladies he met, with the exception of Lenalee. It was so contradicting how badly he wanted to tell him how splendid he was, when he realised that he had no courage to do so. He could no longer do anything to his heart which was slowly reaching out for him.

"Kan-da?" Allen flushed slightly from the long duration of standing in the sun, surprised and astonished that he would be here. The silver-haired teen smiled at him before he walked towards the infirmary, his shoulders brushing lightly against his. The raven did not call out to him either, letting him go. Allen walked away, forcing his smile to stay on his face until he could no longer feel Kanda's presence behind him. As he saw the infirmary ahead, he went in, that exhausting smile faltered instantly.

"Allen?" Allen opened the door, seeing Lenalee inside. The others had already left, probably had something to do. Allen smiled, as he went to the bed and tucked himself warmly inside the covers, resting his head on the soft pillow. He smiled at Lenalee, before he closed his eyes, intending to sleep and forget everything.

He did not know how long he had slept through, but as he woke up, he felt a strange warmth dwelling at his left hand. Allen touched his hand, his eyes gradually widened in shock. He then turned towards the door, which was left opened.

The light scent of jasmine had never left the room.

_Kanda...was here?_

Allen clenched his hands, fighting back the urge of wanting to jump out of the bed this instant and search for him. It was just so exhausting on figuring out answers that were not answered clearly. He was very sure that Kanda had come by just now. He could recognise the touch of his warmth left on his hand instantly, though he wondered why Kanda was so kind enough to come and visit him. It was probably...because he was taking pity on this weak and fragile human body which was falling soon. He was sympathetic towards him, towards the curse that had befallen onto him, and decided to act as a kind soul this time. But yet, he was making him even more bewildered than before. What was his real intention?

He heard loud peltings from outside. Allen looked at the windows, realising that it was raining heavily. The temperature in this quiet and empty room gradually dropped, the warmth slowly seeping out of his frail body. He fidgeted by his sitting position, wriggling his toes inside the covers, before groaning softly by his lips, slowly burying his face in his surrounding arms as he hugged his knees tightly, his feet partially covered by the white covers.

He felt so utterly confused.

The heavy sounds of pelting rain accompanied him for the whole day.

* * *

Again, pls review!

SingingBlues


	3. Silver Moonlight

OHHHHH. This is the final chapter of this story!! DDD: I have to end this quickly so that I can proceed with my next story plot on Kanda's POV. No worries, Tears of Moonlight and TBA (The Black Assassin) are still in progress, but I would most likely update TBA first. Reviewers who have reviewed my story 'Slowly Fading' want me to update another chapter, so I would try to update another chapter by next week, if I can find the time to sit down and think properly :)

Note: The next chapter of TBA would be updated either on Saturday or Sunday. Really sorry, am about to update today but I wasn't feeling really well since I came home from school. Probably too exhausted due to schoolwork and lack of sleep for the past few days DDD: Hope I have the free time to update some of my stories soon! :D

This is the FINAL CHAPTER. Pls review and post your opinion on the overall of this story !!!! Many thanks!! :D

* * *

**Chapter 3: Silver Moonlight**

He was discharged the next day. Allen trudged out of the room, staring blankly ahead. Ever since it rained yesterday evening, it had been raining rather heavily till now, never stopping. The silver-haired teen shivered through his thin clothing as he walked along the pathway, deciding to go back to his room for now.

For the whole day, he had been doing absolutely nothing. He went to the rooftop to look over the scenery as usual, daydreaming. He then met Lenalee on the way and walked together with her, saying nothing much on the way. After that, he went to the cafeteria, and ordered only a bowl of miso soup and a plate of his favourite mitarashi dangos. Jerry showed a shocked expression on his face as he handed the tray of food to him. Allen looked away, taking it as he went to an empty bench and sat down. As he took up the spoon, he realised that he wasn't hungry at all.

He dwelled inside the library, listening to Lavi's crappy stories for long hours as the redhead was rearranging the books on the shelves. To his surprise and amazement, he was slightly interested, and even bothered to listen to them for the very first time, compared to the usual days when he would normally give excuses and escape. Was it because he was really so bored, or was it because he wanted to put that matter out of his mind?

"Allen! Are you listening?" Lavi turned around and asked. Allen nodded his head, gestering him to continue. Lavi gave a goofy smile as he blabbered on and on, while he just sat there quietly and listened.

"Allen,"

Allen turned to see the wise Bookman at another corner, a thick book in his hands. He faced him, his calm and dull eyes giving a stare that stung a little. Allen averted his gaze elsewhere, pretending that nothing had happened.

"Have something in mind? You seem to be distracted these days."

Allen flinched slightly at that question, feeling his hard stares onto him. He shifted uncomfortably, wondering what he should say. He also couldn't remember clearly why his heart was in such a fluster, unable to calm down, or did he already know the final answer deep inside his heart, just that he did not want to admit?

"No, I'm okay." This sounded more like an excuse, but it was better than staying quiet and not saying anything, which would definitely arouse their suspicions. Allen smiled at Bookman who just raised an eyebrow, choosing not to probe further, but he realised that Lavi had stopped talking. He turned to his friend, who was giving him a weird expression on his face.

"Allen, you..."

Allen choked slightly as he coughed hoarsely, before his eyes widened. He slowly stood up and walked out of the library, before hurrying to the nearest washroom located at a quiet corner of the building. He finally released his hand from his mouth, seeing dark crimson trails of blood all over his palm. He just stared for a long while, before he reached out for the water tap.

Clear water splashed over his hands scrubbing each other clean, the water slowly turning red as it gradually flushed down the sink with soft gurggling sounds. It reeked of the heavy stench of blood, as Allen decided to use his mouth to breathe temporarily. After washing till there was no single stain of blood on his hands, he turned off the tap and stared in the mirror. He looked so frail and sickly, his appearance not resembling much of a bubbly young teenager. His silver hair made everything worse. He looked nothing more like a broken human who was on the verge of death. Allen stared downwards, seeing faint red trails of bloodwater slowly going down the sink.

He went out of the washroom in a daze, walking blankly for moments like someone who had temporarily lost his memories for the moment. His movements were sluggish, with no energy at all. His throat hurt like hell after he coughed and wheezed hardly, and his head spun. Now, it wasn't because of the Noah's persistence but his body which was already at its limit.

Allen reached for the railing of the stairs, gripping it firmly as he pulled himself up with all the strength he got. In the past, he was so fit that he could do crunches for at least three hundred times everyday, and now he couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs properly. Allen just sighed, sympathetic towards himself. As he took another step up, his right foot slipped suddenly. The silver-haired teen grabbed onto the railing once again as he winced at the rough brush of his skin against the hard surface.

He finally reached the rooftop, looking outside. It had stopped raining. He settled on his usual position and laid down, basking himself in the warm sunlight. It had become his usual routine ever since he was imprisoned in the Order, his movements restricted and not allowed to do missions. Besides doing the stack of surveys, he simply had nothing else to do but to laze anywhere and spend the rest of his day idle.

He stared at the cloudy sky, observing the slow motion of the white fluffy clouds and counting the number of birds passing by. He then spotted a yellowish dry leaf fluttering alone across his vision, before disappearing below. It had probably landed on the ground, he assumed.

It was so nice to be here, surrounded by the tranquility and the soft whispers of the wind. Different colours brightened up his dull greyish eyes, amazing him so much for the first time. At that time, all of his troubles seemed to go away, until something light landed right at his eyes. Allen sniffed in the flower pollen and sneezed. Rubbing his nose lightly, he stared at the white petal at his fingers. It looked familiar, as he tried to remember, but before he could get anything, it slipped past and flew away from him.

A disturbing feeling came up to him. Allen just peered at the very place where the petal flew away, pondering. Deciding not to throw more troublesome frustrations for himself, he just decided to forget it. As he turned around and was about to leave, he was stopped by someone whose hand was already pointing dangerously at his throat. His breath hitched for a second, looking up at this person who was none other than Tyki Mikk.

"You...what are you doing here?" He realised that he had no strength to activate his Innocence, but it seemed that Tyki was not intending to end his life...for now. The sly black Noah just took off his black hat and grinned.

"I am not going to hurt you, Allen."

"Why?" He was uncertain.

"Because...I am not allowed to."

_Not...allowed to?_

"Come with me, Allen, and you will know why." Tyki said calmly, gestering him to follow him. Allen stared at that hand, wondering whether going with him would be a good choice, but somehow he had a feeling that he couldn't refuse this.

Taking a glimpse of the sky once more, he disappeared.

* * *

"We meet again, Allen Walker." The Millennium Earl was standing there, smiling at him. Allen, on the other hand, did not think this was something that was worth to be happy about.

"Millennium Earl..."

"Thanks for bring him here, Tyki-pon."

"Please don't call me that, Earl." Tyki groaned and made a face. The Millennium Earl just laughed merrily, seeping his cup of tea on his hand at the same time. The Noah sighed as he dismissed himself, exiting out of this dark room. Silence surrounded the both of them, as coldness tickled Allen's skin, sending shivers down his body.

"Please, sit." The Millennium Earl showed him an empty seat, before sitting at his comfy rocking chair. Allen stared at the chair, hesitant on whether he should really put down his alertness when facing his enemy. No one could predict what would happen, especially when you are standing in the middle of the enemy base.

"Why are you still standing there? Please sit, Allen." The Earl said once more. Allen walked slowly to the chair and sat, trying to put an emotionless expression on his face, but deep inside, he was panicking. What was the Earl's intentions on wanting him here?

"You should be wondering why I call you here, Allen." The Earl started talking as a conversation between them was slowly forming. That eerie smile plastered on that clown face seemed to be mocking at his current situation, but he couldn't just run out of here either.

The Earl put down the cup onto the saucer on the table in front of him, before he cleared his throat and stared closely at him. The chill in here was getting colder, the hissing flames of the candles flickered momentarily. He couldn't see his face clearly by the dim light, but it was better this way. Allen fidgeted a little, waiting for his next reply.

"Allen, your existence proves to be of a greater help to me in the future."

Allen was surprised by that answer. How could that be a greater help? Wasn't it more of a dangerous threat, one that would surely and undoubtly hinder his great plans to destroy this world for good? He should have known that he was the last key to end his life in times to come, so why did he say such things?

"Inside you, a hidden power is about to awaken, something which I cannot afford to lose. I need that power of yours, Allen." The Earl said.

"You know that I will never help you in anything, Millennium Earl." Allen replied, but that calm smile on his face was disturbing him. That greedy and hungry look in his twinkled eyes behind the shades which felt like he was about to pounce onto him, frightened him slightly. It was the first time he saw the Millennium Earl so obsessed with something; something which he wanted all by himself.

"Allen....I need you."

Suddenly, Allen felt something coming up his throat. He felt the urge to cough it out, but he closed his mouth firmly, his face straining with agony as he was trying not to show the pained expression. He blinked his watery eyes once, praying hardly that this would stop, before the Earl was going to find out that he was dying because of the Noah inside him.

"I know you will not come to me obediently, so let's make a trade."

"I already told you that I will...never work with you." Allen managed to speak as he swallowed the blood back down forcefully, irked and disgusted by the strong and revolted taste of it. He was feeling so sick that he wanted to puke.

"No, I'm sure you will, because you have no choice but to agree."

Allen's eyes widened at that sentence. The Earl's grin only grew wider at his reaction.

"Everyone in the Order would be spared. I will not send my akumas to attack them, and destroy their Innocence. As long as you agree, I promise that they would be safe."

"How can I believe words from my enemy?" Allen hissed angrily, glaring at him.

"You know about _his _condition, right?"

His...condition?

"Why didn't you report him to the Vatican? That he is not an Exorcist but an akuma?"

"No, he's not one!" Allen shouted, getting irritated and pissed for a moment, before his surging emotions gradually went down. He slowly sat back down on his seat.

There...wasn't really any reason. At first, he was afraid, but after a long while, he realised that he was no different than him. He also had a monster inside him, something which would just come out anytime and kill anyone in its way. This type of feeling was something which no one could ever understand except for those who had really gone through such experiences.

"You have already made an unforgivable mistake, Allen. Do you know that?" The Earl asked. Allen did not answer, his head downcast as he continued staring on the ground blankly. It was true that he had done something which an Exorcist should never do, but his existence was already a threat to the Black Order. He was already seen as an enemy. It wouldn't make much difference anyway.

"If you choose to come and help me, that dark truth will be hidden forever. I will cure him. He will become a healthy human who can live till his old age. And no worries, his powers will still remain."

His heart skipped as Allen lifted up his head and stared at him. The heavy emotions in his heart seemed to lighten up as this sentence had answered all his worries and frustrations. As he thought of it, this wasn't a bad condition at all. Because of him, everyone's lives would be saved. Kanda would be completely cured, thanks to him. He couldn't believe he was treated as a very important victim, but it would definitely be better to sacrifice one rather than to let those killings go on. Afterall, he had no valid reasons to stay. The Vatican would be more than happy to let him go and leave them alone.

There was no reason to stay, but there was definitely a reason to leave.

He had finally made a decision.

* * *

It was late in the night, around 12 in the early morning. There were little activities happening in the Order, but most people would be sleeping in their rooms. The whole corridor was silent and dark, little moonlight shining into the openings of the building.

As usual, he couldn't sleep. Walking around the Order had become his habit, as Allen pulled his jacket closer to his body, walking with his pair of slippers instead of wearing his black boots. He stopped and shivered slightly as a gust of wind blew past his legs, the coldness travelling up his body. He didn't know that the wind could be this strong that he felt that he was going to be swept away, or was it because he hadn't realise that he was already becoming this weak?

He saw the garden just right ahead, as he walked towards the place. As his foot stepped into the grass outside, he felt a little wetness around his feet, feeling little splashes that cooled his two feet. He walked outside, sniffing the light scent of the trees and greenery by his parting lips. Though the golden sunlight was gone for now, but under the moonlight shimmering on the surfaces of the green leaves, it let off a faint, beautiful silver light, brightening up the whole place that looked like a complete paradise.

Allen slowly sat down at a spot under a tree, and as he leaned against the hard tree trunk, he gazed at the night sky, towards the stars that were twinkling in his direction. They were so small, yet despite their size, their light was many times brighter. Their tiny existence was so unimportant, yet they could attract their eyes towards their shimmering beauty.

_You have made a promise with me, Allen._

_I will be waiting for your reply tomorrow night._

The shimmer from the stars faded slightly. His hands slowly clenched, as he closed his eyes. The inner world of his was getting more frighteningly darker, the sounds harder to catch properly except for the Noah's sniggering who had supposingly sensed his fear and uneasiness. He sighed, and began laughing softly to himself. He bet he would want to kill him if he knew the real reason behind all of this, but at that time, everything would all be too late. At that time, they would eventually understand that this was the only way to save everyone from the cruel ending.

Suddenly, a breeze went past. The tall grasses started swaying violently, making a lot of noise, and as Allen looked up at the same time, he saw many white petals circling in the air with graceful dances. He stared at this stunning display with amazement and astonishment, wondering what this was. It felt like he was really in heaven, surrounded by the purest white of the angel's feathers that descended down upon him. He slowly sat up, his eyes never left them as he wanted to watch this till the end.

A white petal slowly landed onto his palm. Allen just stared at it quietly. Suddenly, it shook slightly from the moving air. Allen shutted his hand firmly, preventing the petal from flying away. His eyes widened in astonishment at his behaviour, the same disturbing feeling he had in the afternoon surfacing once again. Hearing the wind slowly dying away again, he slowly opened his hand, only to find the fragile white petal in pieces.

He then realised that no matter how he wanted it to be, it would just be against its will. The more he wanted it, the more it would slip away from his very own hands. It was just so stupid and arrogant of him to even think that he could keep those feelings by his side when he was gone, had his identity changed, and returned back to them, this time, as their enemy.

The wind came back to him, bringing the little white shreds of its remains away from him. As he saw the little ones fluttering so freely in the air, Allen's eyes widened. Slowly, a weak smile lit on his face, as he got up on his feet, walking back to his room to rest.

* * *

"Erase my memories."

_**Are you very sure about this, Allen? I thought you rejected me again and again. Why do you change your mind so suddenly?**_

"I have something which I need to do, and only I can do it. I need your help, Fourteenth."

_**Heh. And what makes you think I will help you? Aren't you scared that I might take over your body one day?**_

"You will not take over my body. As you have said, you are me. I am you. You should already know my final answer."

_**Keh. I cannot understand that complicated mind of yours as usual. But, is it okay?**_

"It is so surprising to hear such question from your lips. Are you worried about me?"

_**You have got to be kidding! It will definitely not be easy wielding my power. But, is this your resolve? Let me warn you, there will be no way back if you choose this.**_

Allen did not need to answer this. From now onwards, he would throw away all unwanted emotions and feelings, and cut away all ties that were bound to him. The person he was looking inside the mirror wasn't Allen Walker, but someone else. All memories regarding Allen Walker and Exorcists would be erased away. No traces would be left behind. His existence was like this, and would forever be like this.

His heart never felt this light before. Was it because he was finally resolved, or was it because forgetting everything would also mean forgetting all those burden that had been weighing him down for several years? But no matter what, everything was going to change.

Starting tomorrow night. Allen stared at his own reflection, slowly seeing his Noah appearance forming on his face.

Blown away by the coming wind, never to return again.

Still, letting go was more painful that he actually expected.

* * *

"Goodbye, everyone. Till we meet again."

* * *

He slowly paced his way towards the White Ark which was beside the Science department room. The whole thing was situated right at the top of the building, but its entrance was there, easy for people to enter without having to go all the way up to board it. His black boots thudded rather heavily in the darkness, his face hidden in the black cape as he continued to proceed his way towards his destination.

He was completely alone, yet he had no worries nor frustrations which would only proved to be a hindrance to him. He had completely cast them aside, and brought nothing with him. As Exorcists went by, he cast them with a dark and disdainful look, feeling irked by their dirty presence that would poison his pure eyes. This was just ridiculous, as he wondered why he even bothered to stay here and socialise with these humans.

He passed by the office where the Supervisor would always be, the laziest person he had ever met who did not do much compared to others, but he resembled a fatherly figure, someone who he could go to and speak out his woes. He stopped by the doors and stared, wondering what he was doing. Seconds later, he left.

He saw many places, so many that would surely bring back many warm memories, but yet as he stared, there were no emotion surfacing on his blank face. To him, these were just places which he came and went, something that wasn't worth remembering. His heart did not skip hardly in excitement or sadness at this sight, only emptiness within. But this wasn't loneliness either. It was that...nothing came to him. Nothing.

As he walked, he saw a light flickering ahead. It was just an ordinary light which he had seen many times, yet its faint light gave out a weird feeling, drawing him towards it. His feet moved out of its own accord, as he arrived at a rather dull room which opened at both sides. His eyes scanned around, before he peered at the doors in front of him.

Suddenly, a light jingle of a bell rang from inside, entering his ears. His eyes widened in astonishment at this sound. It sounded so crisp and clear, entering his body and stirring something inside him. The light whistle of the wind could be heard from the gaps of the doors. He touched them, and slowly opened. A gust of strong breeze wheezed past him suddenly, as he shivered. Staring ahead, he saw someone lying there.

The wooden floor creaked softly as he stepped inside, walking towards him. As he lowered down himself and sat down beside him, he just stared at the sleeping one who had not stirred. His dark fringe brushed against his forehead lightly as his clothing moved slightly from the wind. His hands were resting at the floors, his lips opened partially for breathing. Even when he was sleeping, there would always be a frown on his forehead.

His hand slowly reached towards his face, wanting to touch that smooth and beautiful skin of his. He didn't know what he was exactly doing, and why his heart was gradually responding to his actions. The light feeling was now replaced with a heavy one, sinking his chest downwards. He wanted to turn him around, to see his face, and to touch him again.

Tears streamed down his face, the droplets shimmered brightly under the moonlight which entered the room as it fell onto the ground and broke into several smaller beads, shining like silver glass crystals. His hand went to get hold of his hand, feeling that familiar warmth travelling up his body.

"Kanda..." He unconsciously said his name. He didn't expect that after so many years of quarrelling and hating each other, he was the one falling in love with him. He was so near to him, yet his feelings could never reach to him ever again. That was probably the fatal mistake that he had made in his life, and probably the last one he was going to make.

"I do not regret...my feelings for you. It hurts, but I do not regret it."

Tears just fell onto that beautiful face endlessly, his hands touching it gently and carefully, treating it as his precious treasure. Kanda would always, and forever be his precious treasure that he cherished. As long as it stayed here, it would be protected by his friends. He really loved him so much, so much that he wanted to protect him wholeheartedly, but the painful truth sank in, something which prohibited him to reach further.

Everything that happened between them, the warm feelings that surfaced and wanted to reach out to him, was all nothing but a fleeting dream. His hands gradually left him, as he stood up to his feet and left the room. His shadow disappeared, and the doors were slowly shut.

The soft jingles of the bell continued to ring throughout the lonely night.

* * *

"Y-You...." The people working in the Science department slowly stepped back in fear, as they saw an Exorcist coming closer to them, except that he was someone whom they could not completely recognise at all.

"Move out of my way." He hissed lowly, raising his Innocence hand which had activated. The white cross on his black hand shone brightly as it let off a murderous malice, screaming for its owner to instruct it to kill someone. The intense gust of wind gathered at his feet shot up into the air, blowing everything away in its vicinity. His black cape fluttered roughly, as the white armour descended onto his shoulders.

"What...What are you doing, Walker-san?! You...you cannot do this!"

Shrieks and hollers pierced through the stale air, blood reeked the whole place as its beautiful crimson splattered everywhere. He slowly lowered his black claws, its sharp edges stained with blood as it was dripping on the ground in a slow motion. His dark golden eyes traced back to the entrance of the White Ark, which seemed to be waiting for his grand arrival. He slowly walked towards it, ignoring the red trail that he was leaving from his activated weapon. As he ascended up the white stairs and disappeared inside, the white door closed and it vanished.

* * *

"You have come." The door opened and he went out, seeing the other Noahs whom he should supposingly called them as 'his family members'. He did not see them in his eyes, walking towards the Millennium Earl situated at the middle calmly.

"You have made the wisest choice, Allen."

"Who is Allen?" He replied him with a question. The Earl just blinked his eyes, not expecting him to ask this in particular. At this time, the Black Order was in chaos, as the akumas were currently attacking their base to avert their attention away from the group of them. It was just simply a welcome towards the Exorcists, to tell them that this was just a mere beginning.

The leaves rustled in the wind, passing by his eyes, as he saw three Exorcists appearing at the cliff, staring in their direction.

"Allen, it's us! Have you forgotten us? Why are you with the enemy?"

The dark golden eyes just stared at her with slight sadness that he was revolted of. What was he doing? Was he taking pity in a mere naïve teenage girl who broke down because she had lost someone very important to her? His eyes then narrowed, wishing that she would just disappear somewhere immediately, bringing away that saddened look in her watery eyes and the desperate cries that brought up unknown emotions which was bothering him.

"Why...Why did this happen? Why...Allen, I know you would not give up on yourself! You have said that to me before! Can't you remember? Can't you remember...the memories that the four of us have shared..."

She was crying, crying so hardly that her body was aching from the pain. He could see that, even if he was standing so far away from them. Her voice rang in his mind continuously, calling that name again and again. She was pleading for him to remember, yet her mere presence was already pissing him off.

"Who are you?"

She stopped her noisy blabbers and stared at him with a shocked expression. It was the same expression that those scientists showed on their faces when he appeared. Was his previous existence so important to them that they would show such sadness on their faces? They were just simply foolish. It was easy for humans to make friends, and easy to betray their own kind in an instant that they could not expect. The ending they expected, was nothing but their own fantasies.

"Allen, what are you doing? Can't you recognise us?! Allen! Yuu, say something! Don't just stand there!"

He stared at the last one who had not said anything since he arrived. His raven-blue strands brushed against his shoulders lightly, showing a numbed look on his face. He raised his eyebrow in curiosity, surprised that he reacted differently from the rest who only knew how to scream unnecessarily. As he stood out from the darkness, his eyes widened slightly at his appearance.

"Don't tell me that you also have already given up on him, Yuu?!?"

"Stop it, Lavi!" The olive-haired girl cried, but the redhead did not seem to hear her.

"Of all people, you should not be the one abandoning him! You should very well know that." The redhead yelled as he grabbed onto his wrist tightly, while the raven, who was already angry, just glared at him silently. He eventually slapped off his hand and snorted like this was just nothing.

"Let me go, baka usagi. To me, he is just a weakling. And today, he has already shown me his resolve, that is to show me how weak he is. Such people like him are just trash who deserves no one's sympathy."

His deadly cold eyes showed no mercy or sympathy towards the enemy in front of him. He did not shed tears, and did not look sad at all. Most importantly, he did not feel in the least sorry or guilty that he said his ex-comrade so badly in front of his friends who were already so depressed about the outcome. He did not regret what he had just said, but those heartless words finally put him at ease.

_With this, you have more than enough reason to forget me._

_And finally, kill me, by your own hands._

_This is...our silent promise between us._

"Shall we go?"

The Millennium Earl nodded, as they floated towards the moon, the distance between them getting wider and wider. He looked so small and was harder to see him, but he knew that he would definitely see him again. He just had the feeling, though he couldn't remember who he was anymore.

And thus, everything ended. Under the sorrowful moonlight, tears could be easily seen shimmering beautifully streaming down everyone's faces. But all of them knew that they would see one another again, in an astounding twist of fate. At that time, another story would start, pulling everyone's fates back together once again.

_**Is it okay? You might not be able to recover your memories once I use my powers to erase your previous existence. Even if little emotions remained, they would slowly slip away from you.**_

"You say too much, Noah." Allen said coldly. This was why he wanted this. To erase his past that would prove to be a hindrance, and become someone even stronger; stronger than anyone else. Stronger than the Millennium Earl. Who cares about those puny, powerless Exorcists? One day, he was going to come back here again and used his very own power he had obtained to crush everything here to nothingness, teaching them the real terror and nightmare of challenging them openly. The golden eyes flashed as a wide malicious grin appeared on his dark devilish face. The group then disappeared in the night without a trace.

"I wait for you, Exorcists. When that time comes, let's play together."

* * *

_Till then, I wait for you._

_Kanda._

**END**

* * *

**As said, pls REVIEW! :D**


End file.
